mysticmelissa:

Melissa sat quietly, waiting and listening, hoping that he would say something. It had taken a lot of finally say that to him and he was being silent, and it honestly scared her. She knew he’d never say it back, at least not the way he was right now, and that’s not what worried her. She wasn’t sure what else to say to him right now. Melissa was about to get up when he took her face in his hands. It was something else she’d missed, the way he held her carefully. And while the kiss definitely wasn’t an I love you, it was something more than what she had actually been expecting. Stefan, while chaotic, had been a major part of her life the last few months. Sure, there had been some dark moments, but they weren’t just because of him. It was her too. She had caused some problems herself and it wasn’t all on him.

They both had problems. Dark sides that they couldn’t control. She would never understand why Stefan wanted to bear it all on his shoulders but right now nothing else seemed more important to her than him. Melissa pushed closer, wrapping her arms around him as she kissed back. So maybe they would never be anything more than what they were now, she liked what they had. It was just unconventional, that was all. She didn’t need a label for it as long as he knew how she felt and didn’t mind it.

This wasn’t the sort of story that they wrote novels about. There would never be some big epic romance made about Stefan and Melissa. If he was being honest, he was pretty sure it wouldn’t even qualify as any sort of romance at this point. It was simply a story about two people who had fucked up lives and occasionally connected over them. It wasn’t the sort of story that people would long to have or live out on their own but for Stefan, at that moment, it was enough. For the first time in months, he felt almost okay. He wasn’t plagued with the weight of everything he’d done and everything he’d messed up. Instead, he was completely focused on how it felt to have Melissa back in his arms. Things would probably go back to exactly how they had been in not too long, the focus returning to that stupid coffin and Klaus, but he was choosing to enjoy this brief moment while he had it instead of focusing on the millions of negatives that he could be. 

He pulled back just slightly and rested his forehead against Melissa’s, keeping his hand cupping her face as his thumb brushed lightly over her cheek. He had no idea what he was doing, didn’t have the smallest inkling as to where any of this was going, but that seemed to be the norm for him these days so he was just going to try to relax and go with it. Maybe Melissa had been right. Maybe Stefan would make it out of this whole thing and be okay. After all, he’d made it through over 150 years and was still managing somehow. He’d lived multiple lifetimes, most of which hadn’t exactly been good, but he always ended up okay eventually. He didn’t love Melissa. He knew that much. But he could one day. If he let himself. And really, stranger things had happened in his life. 

He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, allowing his lips to linger against her skin for a moment before leaning back just enough to look down at her. “We’ll be okay,” he said with a small nod, though he wasn’t sure which of them he was saying that for more. Either way, it was something that both of them needed to hear, a reassurance that not only them, but all of Mystic Falls could use. Eventually things wouldn’t be so terrible. And when that happened, he hoped Melissa was still there with him. 

 Stefan in 2x07 — Masquerade   

→ asked by its-stefan-salvatore-bitch

(Source: stelenafeelings)

mysticmelissa:

A frown etched it’s way onto Melissa’s face as he talked, and she knew she couldn’t do anything for him but make it worse. That’s really all she’d been doing since she’d walked into his life all those months ago. They had both started off pretending, hiding who they were. Melissa out of fear of what would happen and Stefan because well, you didn’t go around telling people you were a vampire. And then a weird friendship, at least on Melissa’s part, started. She’d figured out after awhile that the only use she possibly was to him was her magic, but it made her feel important. Useful. Something she hadn’t felt in a long time. But then her feelings started to grow and while she’d later learn he couldn’t feel a thing, she figured she was feeling enough for the both of them. But Stefan would never be able to reciprocate is what Damon had told her. She was being stupid. Even Stefan had said it before.

“I’m sorry,” she answered, still frowning. Melissa wanted to push him to talk, but that probably wasn’t going to get her anywhere. If he didn’t want to elaborate, he wasn’t going to. She sighed slightly as his arm tightened and he kissed the top of her head. It was probably more out of reflex than anything, but she still found herself leaning into him more. “One day you’ll get out of it, Stefan. Maybe soon, maybe I’ll be long gone and won’t get to see it, but you’ll be free. You deserve to be happy. And don’t argue that,” she said, putting a hand over his mouth to keep him from talking. “I know. I get the whole ‘I’m a monster’ thing. I say the same thing all the time. But this is who we are. And I’ve slowly been learning that we shouldn’t let it be the thing that defines us.” She pulled her hand back and placed it back in his. “We’re more than just monsters. I know that you do or you will regret the things you’ve done. I won’t speak for everyone else, but with me, you’re forgiven. The things that have happened to me have only made me stronger.”

She tilted her head some to look up at him, smiling slightly, and nodded. “The dark magic thing still scares me. But I’m not going to give up on controlling it.” In a first, Melissa felt like she was talking way too much for once. She wondered what Stefan was thinking about, but wouldn’t press it. Instead she put her head back on his shoulder and closed her eyes. She had missed this, the closeness. All of their good memories were being like this. And all of Melissa’s best nights were spent in his arms. Even if he couldn’t feel, he had managed to make her finally feel wanted for more than just what she could do in bed. “You’ll be fine, too. We both will,” she said, tightening her hands around his.

For a moment, her heart picked up, and she wondered if Stefan still noticed that. Melissa just wanted to finally tell him. To finally get it out there. But she was nervous. She’d been steeling herself in preparation for not hearing it back. That was inevitable. But she was hoping it wouldn’t get her left alone. Turning her head again, she looked up at Stefan. “I love you,” she said clearly, mustering up everything she had not to just pass out instead.

It was difficult to keep from rolling his eyes or getting outwardly frustrated with Melissa as she started giving him some sort of pseudo pep-talk. He was tired of hearing that he’d be fine, or that things would get better. When someone was at their lowest, they didn’t want to hear about how much better it could get. But getting upset with Melissa wouldn’t accomplish anything at this point. The last time they’d been around each other had basically turned into a large argument and he just didn’t have the energy or motivation to go through that again. Even if he wasn’t about to believe a single word Melissa was saying. Besides, who was he to tell her that over 150 years of experience told him differently? That a monster was exactly who he was and exactly who he would always be. So instead he just gave a small nod with a somewhat strained half-smile which was probably masked by her hand now covering his mouth anyway.  If she wanted to believe that things would get better, then that was her right and he wasn’t about to ruin the hopes of someone still so young.  

And just like he didn’t believe that he was anything more than a monster, he also had trouble believing that she forgave him for everything he’d done to her and her life. How could a person forgive all of that? He’d used her, toyed with her emotions, manipulated her, tried to kill her, abused her physically and emotionally, and was constantly putting her life into danger. Those weren’t things someone just forgave. But just like he hadn’t felt like arguing her earlier points, he didn’t feel like arguing this one either. So instead, he simply gave her a small smile and a ‘thank you’. At least she didn’t openly hate him, he thought. Then again, her forgiveness when it was undeserved was almost more difficult to stomach than any open hatred would have been, because at least he knew he deserved the latter. 

As she talked about her dark magic, he was glad to hear that she was going to do her best to work with it, to control it. Normally he would have had something preachy about control to say to her, about how it was going to be hard, but so important, and that she shouldn’t just try to silence that side of her. Because silencing a dark side when you had one wasn’t the answer. Learning how to control and accept that part of you was what it would take if she wanted a chance, something he should have tried to do long before now, but he just couldn’t find it in him at the moment to say any of that. He nodded in agreement when she said they’d both be okay, and his arms tightened around her as hers did the same.  It was oddly comfortable to have  her so close again, to not be talking about a coffin or any murder attempts, and just…be. 

The increase in her heartbeat was hard to miss and he wondered what she could possibly have to say that would cause it. He bent his neck to look at her as she looked up at him, and if he’d had a heartbeat, he swore it would have stopped at her words. He loosened his arm from around her before withdrawing it completely as his brow once more furrowed down at her. It wasn’t like this was a completely shocking development. She’d texted the same thing to him once but they both had sort of just brushed over it. It was hard to brush over this situation however and for a moment he was at a complete loss. His emotions these days were constantly teetering between being non-existent and being painful and overwhelming and neither were very conducive to responding to someone who was confessing their love to you.  He wanted to tell her no, that she couldn’t and he didn’t want her to. He wanted to send her off and tell her that he’d find a new witch. 

But what would that accomplish? It was more than obvious that he felt at least something for Melissa and if this had been any other situation, he would have wanted to explore that. And sure, part of him wanted to chalk up this insanity to some weird form of supernatural Stockholm Syndrome but….what was the worst that could possibly happen from not turning her away? It wasn’t like things could get much worse for either of them. Things were never going to be normal between himself and Elena again so there wasn’t that holding him back. She deserved a chance at some sort of normalcy. Or at least happiness, and he knew now that they’d never be what they had been. And it was just better to leave it as a memory instead of attempt to get it back and butcher everything good they’d once had in the process. But Melissa deserved happiness too and he wasn’t sure she’d ever have that with him either. Then again, it wasn’t as if he was having to decide the rest of his future at that very moment and so instead of continuing to try to make sense of any of this, he instead brought his hand up to gently cup her face as he leaned down and pressed his lips lightly to hers. It wasn’t an ‘I love you’ back, they both knew he wasn’t in any place for that. But it was something. And for the first moment in months, he felt the briefest flicker of something that almost felt like things could possibly end up okay for him. 

mysticmelissa:

Melissa shook her head. “I’m not hungry,” she said, glancing up at him. The food had only been something that randomly bubbled up while she’d been talking. Something to just say. She shifted on her feet some, rubbing her arm. Without asking, she walked further into his room and past Stefan, patting his shoulder as she passed. She sat down on the edge of his bed and clasped her hands in front of her, resting them on her knees. She didn’t want to be standing at the moment, it just felt too awkward. “Shitty? Stefan…” Melissa looked at him worriedly. She had hoped that if something was wrong that maybe he’d talk to her about it. Getting up some, she grabbed him by the wrist and hauled him forward, making him sit down next to her. “Talk. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

She held his hand tight, looking up at him. “And before you ask, yes, I care about how you’re feeling.” Melissa put her head on his shoulder, and thinking his own question over. She wasn’t all that great either. But she didn’t know if she should tell him that. It would only add to how guilty he felt. None of what had happened was entirely his fault and she wasn’t about to let him do that.

“I’m pretty shitty myself,” she answered honestly. “And it’s not your fault. I’m the one agreeing to help, but not being able to open that coffin isn’t the problem right now. It’s…” Melissa let out a deep sigh,  entwining their fingers together. “Apparently I have dark magic inside of me. Cassie does too, and we’re trying to figure out what’s going on. But… it just takes over sometimes. It bubbles up when I get too angry. And… I lose control of myself. It’s not really me… or it is me. The real me. And I’m scared of it.” She sighed and closed her eyes, sitting still for a moment. Right now she felt calm at least. And at peace. Letting his hand go, she pulled his arm around her shoulders.

“There’s something else I want to tell you,” she said quietly, leaning into his chest.

He watched as she moved past him, raising a slight eyebrow when she patted his shoulder before sitting on his bed. He closed his door before turning to Melissa, trying to figure out exactly why she was there. Sure, she said she missed him but…surely that wasn’t the entire reason. If it was, he had a feeling he would have had her appearing in his bedroom long before this. But she hadn’t, and in fact, short of the small bit of communication that had been necessary about the coffin, neither of them had really sought the other out in quite sometime, something he’d actually been thankful for. He’d hurt Melissa in more ways than he’d like to admit to and the less of that he had to face head on, the better off he was for it and the better off she’d be as well. But it was hard to ignore her when she was grabbing ahold of his wrist and making him sit next to her without so much as a protest from Stefan. He angled his body so that he was better facing her as she told him to talk, and he couldn’t help but look down for a moment. Maybe it had been a mistake answering her initial question like that. He didn’t want to talk. Especially not to Melissa. 

“There’s nothing to talk about, Melissa,” he finally answered as he looked up at her. “My life has been miserable longer than you’ve been alive. And every now and then, it gets slightly less horrible, but I always end up back at the same place. So it’s not worth talking about.”  He never should have sought out his father during his transition. He never should have been a part of this life, just as he never should have forced Damon into it. Sure, occasionally things got better. Sometimes he could actually admit to being truly happy. But it never ended up lasting for long and it only made the fall that much harder to deal with when it inevitably happened.  He was almost thankful for the distraction from his thoughts when she took his hand into hers, despite the fact that the intimacy of the action was more than a little unsettling for him these days. But he would take internally unsettling over having to think about his own miserable existence for much longer. 

He listened as she spoke, his focal attention staying mainly on their hands and the way their fingers intertwined, but he did look up again after she started talking about the dark magic. He supposed he could relate to the whole ‘darker evil part of you that liked to take over’. Wasn’t that exactly what he was dealing with right now? But he always handled it so poorly and he didn’t feel that he had any sort of grounds to offer her any advice for any of it. Not to mention, his knowledge about witches was limited and he was almost completely sure that none of it had to do with dark magic. “You’ll figure it out,” he said, having complete faith in Melissa’s ability to handle anything that was thrown at her. “You’ll come to terms with it and you’ll learn how to control it. I’m sure it’ll take time but…at least you have someone with you experiencing the same thing. You’ll learn to control it together,” he finished, wishing he could be any help at all to the situation. And then she was moving him again, as if he was nothing more than a ragdoll really, and he was allowing it, pressing a small kiss to the top of her head out of habit once his arm was around her. “You’ll be fine,” he said quietly. 

She settled against his chest and his arm tightened slightly around her as she did so. What else could she possibly have to tell him? They’d covered the coffin, Stefan’s crippling depression, and Melissa’s overpowering dark side already, and in record time,so what else could there possibly be? He supposed with the way his luck had been going, it was probably something along the lines of her kissing Damon, but his curiosity got the best of him as he asked, “What is it?”

mysticmelissa:

Melissa smiled sadly at him, closing his door behind her. She had planned a whole speech to him about how upset she was and tired of everything. The last time they’d spoken in person was when he chewed her out for nearly Killing Elena last week. She had probably deserved it, but she had just brushed him off at the time. Elena wasn’t important to her like she was to Stefan. But Melissa wasn’t worried about that now. Everything seemed to be unimportant right now as she looked up at him. “Hi,” she finally said, nodding her head. Everything wasn’t exactly fine, but that was beside the point.

She’d already shut out Damon, and in the back of her head she knew how wrong it was not to forgive him. She was hurt. Melissa figured they would talk again eventually, but she needed space. He could just waste his life pining for Elena for all she cared, but she wasn’t taking second place to anyone again, especially not Elena Gilbert. “Nothing’s wrong,” she answered, looking down at the ground. Whatever frustration she’d been feeling earlier was gone right now and she found herself wanting nothing more than to lie down with him like they used to.

“I just… I wanted to come see you. I miss you, if you can believe that.” Maybe Damon was right and she was being stupid, but that didn’t mean she was going to give up. She’d let Stefan have some space. He needed that much and she wasn’t about to be annoying and force her presence on him whenever the whim struck her. But now she knew for sure what she’d been feeling for a long time. “So I came to see how you were. I was going to bring some food or something, but I’m afraid to show my face at the Grill right now.” She smiled sheepishly at him, biting her lip some. Melissa looked around his room for a moment, feeling her chest tighten some as her heartbeat picked up. “So… how are you?”

He’d learned, over the last few weeks, that it was harder to ignore his emotions, his need to care, when he was around people that truly meant something to him. His humanity flared in the presence of certain people and he hated every painful and overwhelming second of it. Which had been a large reason as to why he hadn’t exactly been social lately. He cared about too many people and it would have been impossible to keep himself emotionally distant. It was surprising to him, however, that he seemed to be having the same difficulty being shut off around Melissa that he had around people like Lexi and Damon. Lexi and Damon made sense. He’d known and loved them both whole heartedly for decades. It was expected to feel a spark of something trying to make it’s way to the surface with them. But Melissa? He’d only had a small handful of conversations with her before the whole Klaus incident. Nearly all of their relationship had been built when he hadn’t cared, when he couldn’t care. So why would he be feeling any sort of threat of humanity at her presence? He thought perhaps it was just a lingering echo of what he’d been thinking about only moments before, but then it flared again when Melissa looked down at the ground and he couldn’t help but frown. 

So everything was fine. That was good in that she wasn’t hurt and she hopefully hadn’t made anymore attempts on people’s lives. But it also meant there hadn’t been a change with the coffin situation, just as there hadn’t been a change in a weeks nor would there be any sort of change for the forseeable future. If he was smart, he’d just give Klaus that damn coffin back and get the hell away from this place as quickly as he could manage. He had no doubt that Klaus wouldn’t just let him go after all of this, but the least he could do was try. It would get Klaus out of town for a small amount of time, anyway. He studied Melissa when she said she missed him, and it was all he could  do to ignore the pain that shot through his chest. But instead of saying too much or not enough or something overly mean or, worse, something overly sappy, he just stayed silent, looking away for a moment. He really wished she’d given him some sort of warning before just showing up. It would have allowed him to get a better handle on whatever the hell was happening with his emotions. 

“If you’re hungry, I think we have something downstairs you could have,” he offered, a small curiosity forming at the sudden increase in her heart rate. He considered her question for a moment. It was a normal thing to ask. Usually people didn’t answer it honestly however, and usually people who asked didn’t really want to know the real answer. But Melissa was always the sort who wanted a real answer. And Stefan was usually the kind to avoid it. But hadn’t he just been thinking he needed to make changes to his life? It wasn’t like he could take it in a worse direction than the one he was already heading in. “Pretty shitty, actually,” he said with a small laugh and a shake of his head. “How’re you?” he asked in earnest.  He’d been worried about her since the whole Elena incident, if he was being honest with himself. How could he not be? Something was clearly going on with Melissa and then he’d come in, and all he’d done was get upset at her for trying to kill Elena. When really, everyone always tried to kill Elena so it wasn’t like that was news. Instead, he should have been focused on Melissa. He’d be sure to add that to his ever growing list of ways he’d recently fucked up severely.  

mysticmelissa:

Melissa frowned at her reflection in the mirror for a moment. After nearly killing Elena and running into Puck, she’d taken a couple of days off of coffin duty and gotten some much needed rest. There had been no headway made with the the stupid thing and she was tired of dealing with it right now. After getting up from a nap and showering, she’d gotten dressed and made a last minute decision to go see Stefan. Their relationship had been strained since the Lockwood Ball and she just needed to clear the air with him.

Shoving her phone into her pocket, she grabbed a sweater and her keys and was quickly out the door. The drive to the Boarding House was easy. Simple. She could do it in her sleep, she figured. Melissa parked her car and let herself into the house like usual. “Stefan?” she called out, hanging her sweater on the coat rack before making her way further into the house.

She walked up the stairs, looking around again and praying she didn’t run into Damon. “Stefan, I’m coming into your room now,” she warned before opening the door and stepping inside.

Stefan had all but disappeared recently. Well, if you could consider still being in exactly the same spot that he’d always been disappearing. But he’d certainly been doing his best at avoiding just about everyone, even Damon. He occasionally got a few disheartening texts from Melissa saying nothing had changed, and that had really been all. He’d even managed to avoid Rebekah which was a feat in and of itself considering how pushy she could be. But everything in Stefan’s life was becoming even worse off than it had been all of a month ago which was really rather impressive. He didn’t know what he was doing anymore or what direction he was heading in. He was lost and he was tired and he just wanted to be done. Whatever half assed plan he’d had for Klaus had practically been at a stand still for weeks and it was hard to even maintain his anger at his ex-friend. The whole thing was pointless. And so, Stefan had started doing what Stefan did best, turning his anger and loathing onto himself, blaming himself for the current state of wreckage that his life was in. 

It was amazing to think about how drastically his life had changed since he’d come back to Mystic Falls. He realized now that he never should have stayed after saving Elena from the bridge.  He should have just helped her and left, like he’d originally planned. He would probably be somewhere with Lexi right now, having a good time. He wouldn’t be struggling with his diet and his urges, the strain with Damon would still be there, but a more familiar and flexible one. Elena might actually be happy. Of course, Klaus still might have found her. But there never would have been Salvatores to get in the way and make everything worse. Because that’s really what both of them did. No matter how much good they tried to do or how much they wanted to help the people around them, they only made things worse and more complicated, for themselves, for the town they were in, for the people they cared about. 

And there were so many people that Stefan cared about. And none of them ever turned out better for it.  One day he’d finally learn to not get attached. One day he’d figure out that the only thing he caused was pain. He’d said something similar to Damon once, that pain and suffering and death followed him around. But it was just as true, if not moreso, for Stefan. And now, instead of going out there and trying to fix his life and trying to fix everything that he’d managed to make a mess of, all he could manage to do was wallow and brood.  He’d been wanting for people to give up on him since the day he’d left Mystic Falls with Klaus, and now that they finally seemed to have moved on and given up on what was only a shell of the man Stefan used to be, he realized how stupid he’d been. And it hurt. Everything hurt. And he hated that he was having so much trouble pushing it all away. 

He managed, however, with a tremendous amount of effort, to numb at least most of it.  He needed a clear head if he was going to figure out what the hell to do with himself and that meant decidedly not drowning in self-loathing. There would be plenty of time for that later. Sitting at his desk, he set his journal down before leaning forward to grab his phone. If he was going to change any of the current plans, Melissa needed to be made aware. He started typing out the text but paused when he heard his name being called from downstairs. He glanced back at his phone before deleting what he’d typed then stood up, setting it back on his desk before heading towards his door. He stopped a few feet back, however, as it was opened from the other side. “Everything okay?” he asked as he crossed his arms across his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time she’d come over on her own, and especially without warning. 

kpiercee-:

Yeah, I’m sure you will.